Most days it’s hard to get a teenager to tell you how their day at school went, so it’s not surprising that they aren’t sharing their innermost feelings with you.
Shine from Yahoo asked teenagers from around the country what they’d like their parents to know and this is what kids had to say:
- They need privacy. To show that you respect your teen’s privacy, don’t rummage through her personal space unless you have a concrete reason to believe that she’s lying to you or hiding something serious. Remember…”all kids today are doing drugs” isn’t a concrete reason.
- Sometimes he just needs you to listen. Understand that sometimes your kids just want a sounding board – they’re not looking for you to solve all their problems. When your son complains that his science teacher is being unfair or his soccer coach has been extra-hard on him, encourage him to talk by asking open-ended questions. Don’t jump in with advice or threaten to intervene.
- She may be dating – even if you’ve explicitly said she can’t. Try to be relaxed when it comes to dating – even if it’s killing you. Instead of forcing your daughter to sneak around, let her start with group dates, where at least four other kids are with her and her date at all times.
- He may not be getting good grades on every assignment. Sometimes one bad grade is just that: one bad grade. If your son feels like he can vent to you about bombing a quiz or a book report, you won’t have to wait until the end of a semester to find out he’s struggling in school.
- She doesn’t want to talk to you about sex. The good news is, in a 2005 government survey, less than half of high school students (47 percent) said they’d had sex. Still, it’s safest to assume your teen is in that 47 percent and educate her about birth control or preventing STDs. Don’t press her for personal details, but do offer advice; use third-person examples if it helps.
- He hates when you don’t hold his siblings accountable. While it’s natural to become more lax as you have more kids, it’s important to consider each unique situation, not just your kid’s ages. Remember, all of your kids will respect you more if they think you’re a fair and reasonable parent.
- She wishes you’d cut her some slack. It’s important that she doesn’t feel like you’re constantly coming down on her. When you’re upset, take some deep breaths, a few minutes might give you perspective and a chance to evaluate the situation.
- He lies to stay out of trouble. While it would be irresponsible to give underage drinking the green light, you don’t want your child to be in an unsafe situation because he’s rushing to be home on time. If your son calls just before curfew and says he needs a ride, save your questions (and lectures) for the morning.
- She gets frustrated when you use her age to your advantage. Since “age appropriate” is subjective, try to give your kid hard-and-fast rules that aren’t dependent on a number.
- He wishes you would trust him. Constantly accusing your kids of this or that – especially if your accusations are unfounded – breeds mistrust. Eventually they’ll do something dishonest just because they’re sick of being wrongly accused. Trust your kids until they give you a real reason not to.
